I didn’t ‘affirm’ but I also didn’t tell my child not to use they/them pronouns, or the ‘nickname’ (as I thought it was) they were using with friends in high school. She ticked so many boxes of for the classic rapid onset gender dysphoric ‘trans’ kid of the times. She came out as a lesbian age 12. Strong participation in the school GSA, is an artist and went into a BFA programme at a local art university. She is a middle-class Caucasian kid who was deep into the Animé fandom world and social justice, the child of university academic parents, and struggles with anxiety. She self-diagnoses with query ADD, maybe ASD (neither accurate) and wears these like a badge of honour. We NEVER AFFIRMED, but we also made the mistake of not putting a stop to this delusional belief that all her life struggles came from her sex. When she decided to medicalize we questioned what the longterm health impacts of the process are- and we were immediately disowned and labelled TRF’s and bigots. It has been devastating.
It could have been me. Maybe that’s why, even though neither of my kids got caught in the whirring blades of the “gender blender,” I feel all of this so viscerally. Every second family of GenX parents with GenZ kids in my town has been visited by this disaster. “Why do you care so much about such a tiny number of people?” That question is so utterly lacking in empathy. “How can you NOT care about physically healthy children ending up with elective, medically imposed lifelong loss of function in major systems of their bodies, solely for aesthetic reasons, all pushed on parents as suicide prevention? It’s MADNESS. WE ALL SHOULD CARE A LOT.
We are in the exact same situation, and things just came to a head at home. This article is well timed for us. I am so sorry about your daughter. You spaced like a good parent. This issue is so big, and so hard.
First, I'm so sorry. That is devastating. FWIW, we can related somewhat because our daughter is almost a carbon copy of yours in terms of comorbidities, activites, interests, and ROGD.
We've never affirmed, and we insisted that at home her siblings used her name and correct pronouns. We had no control outside the home, so despite a couple of forays down that path, we decided it wasn't a battle we could fight.
She medicalized when she went to uni, first with T, and earlier this year she underwent a double mastectomy by an unethical doctor willing to either defraud insurance or pay for it himself.
That said, we do have a relationship, and we're grateful. She came home for a week this summer after her semester ended, and she even brought her roommate (same situation but no surgery). We called our daughter her name, referred to them both as girls (as in, "Come on girls [we have two other daughters as well], time to go to dinner"), and tried to act normal. The roommate referred to Hannah by her wrong name, and made a self-referential comment about being "that kind of guy", but otherwise names and pronouns never reared their ugly heads. It was a nice visit, apart from seeing how our daughter has made terrible, permanent decisions to wreck her body.
FWIW, when we found out Hannah was taking T we sent a long letter our extended family asking them not to support her down this path, and included the medical downsides of T in women. We even said something to the effect of, "If you disagree, please let me know and let's find a time to discuss."
That led to estrangement with over half our family, including my mom and my brother.
Of course that saddens me, but the fact that Hannah calls us, texts us, and wanted to come home (and felt good enough about our home to bring her friend), outweighs whatever ideological grasping is being done by our other family members.
I pray that your daughter comes back to being in relationship with you, and that she'd know how much you love her.
Your story is exactly ours with the only exception of Music not Art. Our daughter was assessed by the MIND Institute in Davis and found to be gifted but did not qualify as autistic. We questioned at the point of medicalization and were cut off and then I apologized and even sent a letter from my therapist (attesting to my changed attitude) in desperation after our 20-year-old niece (also trans) died of unrelated cancer, and I have not had a response at all. Go figure. Good article.
How can so many of our stories be so identical? It makes my head spin. Our oldest daughter was labeled gifted, GSA meetings in middle school, musically talented, became entrenched in the ideology through Discord and Deviant Art during the pandemic, we did not affirm but she socially transitioned with her peers, at school and work, and now at 21 has been on hormones for a year and has had surgery. While we are not completely estranged, she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want to come see us and the relationship is severely damaged.
I’ll bet many of you reading can tick off the same awful boxes.
It always feels like walking a tightrope while blindfolded. You know the path is there. But it’s narrow and you can only stay on it by keeping one foot in front of the other.
My daughter was transidentified. We did not affirm. In the last year she said “I don’t think I’m trans. I’m non-binary”. She stopped wearing her/him pins. But also said “I’m going to take T when I’m 18”. Well 18 is approaching and that conversation started again.
We still have a great relationship. I’m lucky. And I hope it lasts.
I have always tried to remain curious. And always explain “as your mom, it’s my job to discuss your plans and check your thinking. No matter what it is. Even if you said you want to go to medical school. It’s my job to make sure you understand those outcomes, what’s required from you and ensure you are prepared. This is no different”
I appreciate your article. My daughter estranged me three years ago because I told her I had concerns about my 6 year old granddaughter becoming a trans boy. I did agree to use the trans name but I could not bring myself to call her a boy. People kept telling me to just go along with it so I could see my grandkids but I know that however supportive I tried to be it would never be enough.
Any suggestions as to where someone who wants to become a therapist should do their master's degree to avoid being trained that affirmation is only way to respond to gender dysphoria?
It’s been so long since I’ve been in school but I hear pretty bleak stories about programs these days. Are you part of Therapy First? That would be a great resource. We do professional development and lots of webinars about GD and related issues. Maybe just go to the best program you can then do a lot of independent study?
Everything I’ve learned has been mostly post grad school though I did have a solid foundation (finished my Masters in 2009)
It hasn’t yet. I think someone with standing will have to challenge it directly. WA democrats seem to have a love for defecating all over both our state and federal constitutions, and our lefty state supreme court seems fine with it.
The entire trans identity, gender confusion, problem/movement needs to be indicted for societal malpractice and child abuse.
I believe this is largely a first world problem with social contagion spread by the internet and the education industry. Both are terribly damaging to young minds and brains that have not formed or have any opinions or self advocacy to push back on ideas and theories that can confuse them or program them to the instructor's belief system. Our minds do not sort out objective truth especially when we are young. We don't have the tools to sort out truth and even when we are older we tend to seclude ourselves into our own bubble of information flow tailored for our minds and the truth be damned. So we are really programmed whether we like to believe it or not. FULL STOP
But people know what they are about and who they are when poverty and starvation are just outside the front door and the only thing holding it off is hard work and family support. You want to know who you are? Get a job. Support yourself. Contribute to your family as they contribute to your life and live to help the larger community.
Growing up is not navel gazing and being a narcissist trying to change names, labels, entire languages, family structures and pulling them all into the world inside your head. This is obviously narcissistic behavior with huge control needs and cutting off family is also about control. The current world is a battle of narcissists.
I would leave room for mental illnesses that might run in the family or a dysfunctional childhood including physical and especially emotional abuse but that is a "you" problem not a "we" problem. The remedy is to get you the help you need to work through these challenges. And you have to want it.
And disagreeing with parents on issues is part of growing up. It's not parent's responsibility to endorse everything you do and what you decide to do is not a reflection on them. It's on you. And you need to respect the positions they take because that is them and given the fact they may have more life experience than you, they might be right. Time will tell.
A lot of people won't agree with me and have all kinds of reasons and mental machinations why but that is part of growing up isn't it?
Thank you for addressing that a parent can affirm or not affirm a new gender identity and still be cut out of their adult child's life. That prompts many questions, which I ask in my latest article, which also quotes you. Thank you for discussing this issue and digging deeper. https://eyesopenmom.substack.com/p/the-unraveling-of-the-family
Oh goodness Snacc Beat, I'm sorry to hear you've had such bad experiences of what parenthood/motherhood should NOT be like. Not surprising that you feel so angry, it sounds like your mum badly let you down and it's really sad she isn't willing to reconnect with you. I hope your dad is more understanding and that you still have a relationship with him.
No parent is perfect, but relationships can develop again if we are willing to change and grow. It sounds like you've been far more open to this than your mother is. Good on you.
As a parent I took a long time obsessing about my child being trans (mainly around fear of them losing their fertility or getting damaged in other ways and then regretting it) but eventually had to step back and let them make their own decisions. They are more relaxed around us now and coping better in life.
As Sasha says, relationships are such a delicate dance. But that is the beauty of it, when we allow space, adjust to each other's steps and avoid treading on each other's toes. To drop the agenda on either side and enjoy each other for what we are.
I hope you are getting help and support with all this. It sounds as if you've carried so much on your own.
I affirmed socially at first, but had conversations about puberty challenges, identity development, the impact of medicalization, etc. Then my older daughter desisted, and my younger daughter came out as trans. I didn't affirm. Then they both went deeper to rebel. So, I still had the conversations, use female pronouns for my older daughter, and avoid pronouns for my younger. I wish I hadn't been manipulated into the social affirming initially. But, my daughters are 22 & 19. They didn't medicalize. Their friends did. We have a good relationship with mutual love, care, laughter, and fun. They know my concerns. They do respect my opinion based in experience, and education.
Parents who expressed concern or skepticism over a trans identity (and are now estranged) constantly ask, what if? What if I had fully embraced this belief system?
Or, how to come around and profess that yes, they will now go along with the entire thing. Your child won't believe you. And you won't believe you.
Estrangement is an epidemic--as you well know.
Looking forward to the Family Summit in Chicago on July 31st. Wish you could also participate in this event.
data point: My son came out as trans at 21. I told him I’m “supportive” but “non-affirming.” We are not estranged and he’s just dealing with it. I have often wondered whether I made the right call to be non affirming, but reading this article helps validate my approach. I wouldn’t say we are close, but we are definitely not estranged.
Remove access to smart phones (kids can have alternatives..dumb ohones, ipods etc) and make pornography difficult to access ..and I wonder how that would change this, and other issues
It’s strange but true that something apparently so black and white doesn’t submit to formulas. Of course your always wise advice, Sasha, also works for the cutting off of loving but trans-sceptic grandparents whose middle-aged children have trans-youngsters as well as fervent sibling allies and online. FYI I co-authored this anonymised true story of enduring connection through miserable estrangement. Two levels are at work here: 1. debate about transition and 2. debate about tolerance of different beliefs (protected in public and workplace but spirited witch-hunts and cut-offs in families). Mix of discourse analysis, metaphor and history!
This is so disingenuous. "People said if I hit my children they'd cut me off, I didn't hit them and they cut me off anyway! I wish I'd beaten them now"
Comparing parents who want to remain truthful about their child’s biological sex to parents who beat their children is frankly so absurd, I don’t even know where to start.
At the same time, parents are often pressured and bullied into affirmation by this very type of absurd shaming tactic.
Sasha, have you considered the possibility that affirmation doesn't prevent estrangement because people who cut contact with their parents do so not ONLY because of their parents' acceptance or denial of a trans identity? Have you considered that a parent's refusal to accept a child as they are could actually CREATE a sense of dysphoria as the child seeks any explanation as to why their parent rejects them? Have you considered that some parents are more preoccupied with coming off the right way to others than they are with supporting a misfit child, which could lead them to affirm the gender identity without making a genuine attempt to actually know their child?
I don't understand why you people in the detrans movement have attached yourselves to the sociopaths estranged children are trying so hard to get away from. I detransitioned and it makes no difference in my estranged relationship with my absolute monster of a mother. I even offered the opportunity to reconcile or at least come to understand each other but she's so self-absorbed and manipulative that all she did was find knives to twist like she always does. I've learned in the meantime that my dad was completely unaware that I had been brutally bullied in grade school because my mother never told him. She lied to everyone in our family about each other so that she could control the narrative for each of us. She's the scariest person I know. My transition was the catalyst for the estrangement and frankly despite my regrets, if transition was the only thing that could get me away from that freak, I'd do it a thousand more times.
That's why I no longer attend Beyond Trans support groups or believe that any of these orgs actually want to help detransitioners. You all want to use us. You do not care about our wellbeing if you're this credulous toward our monstrous parents when we decide we cannot be around them and survive. I wish you'd all stop speaking for detransitioners because YOU are the reason people think we're all attention-hungry bigots whose stories do not need to be heard. You are harming transitioners and detransitioners alike. GO AWAY.
I’m really sorry to hear about your experience with your mother. I hope you’ll give the article a chance because I talk about some of the unhealthy parent-child dynamics in the piece (where parents need to change their behavior). It’s also challenging when writing articles to cover every single possible dynamic. It sounds like you tried really hard to connect with your mom and explain what you need to stay connected. I’m really sorry that she couldn’t meet you there and show up in the way you needed.
Also, for what it’s worth I’m not involved in Beyond Trans and never have been
I didn’t ‘affirm’ but I also didn’t tell my child not to use they/them pronouns, or the ‘nickname’ (as I thought it was) they were using with friends in high school. She ticked so many boxes of for the classic rapid onset gender dysphoric ‘trans’ kid of the times. She came out as a lesbian age 12. Strong participation in the school GSA, is an artist and went into a BFA programme at a local art university. She is a middle-class Caucasian kid who was deep into the Animé fandom world and social justice, the child of university academic parents, and struggles with anxiety. She self-diagnoses with query ADD, maybe ASD (neither accurate) and wears these like a badge of honour. We NEVER AFFIRMED, but we also made the mistake of not putting a stop to this delusional belief that all her life struggles came from her sex. When she decided to medicalize we questioned what the longterm health impacts of the process are- and we were immediately disowned and labelled TRF’s and bigots. It has been devastating.
It could have been me. Maybe that’s why, even though neither of my kids got caught in the whirring blades of the “gender blender,” I feel all of this so viscerally. Every second family of GenX parents with GenZ kids in my town has been visited by this disaster. “Why do you care so much about such a tiny number of people?” That question is so utterly lacking in empathy. “How can you NOT care about physically healthy children ending up with elective, medically imposed lifelong loss of function in major systems of their bodies, solely for aesthetic reasons, all pushed on parents as suicide prevention? It’s MADNESS. WE ALL SHOULD CARE A LOT.
That’s so hard. I’m terribly sorry
We are in the exact same situation, and things just came to a head at home. This article is well timed for us. I am so sorry about your daughter. You spaced like a good parent. This issue is so big, and so hard.
First, I'm so sorry. That is devastating. FWIW, we can related somewhat because our daughter is almost a carbon copy of yours in terms of comorbidities, activites, interests, and ROGD.
We've never affirmed, and we insisted that at home her siblings used her name and correct pronouns. We had no control outside the home, so despite a couple of forays down that path, we decided it wasn't a battle we could fight.
She medicalized when she went to uni, first with T, and earlier this year she underwent a double mastectomy by an unethical doctor willing to either defraud insurance or pay for it himself.
That said, we do have a relationship, and we're grateful. She came home for a week this summer after her semester ended, and she even brought her roommate (same situation but no surgery). We called our daughter her name, referred to them both as girls (as in, "Come on girls [we have two other daughters as well], time to go to dinner"), and tried to act normal. The roommate referred to Hannah by her wrong name, and made a self-referential comment about being "that kind of guy", but otherwise names and pronouns never reared their ugly heads. It was a nice visit, apart from seeing how our daughter has made terrible, permanent decisions to wreck her body.
FWIW, when we found out Hannah was taking T we sent a long letter our extended family asking them not to support her down this path, and included the medical downsides of T in women. We even said something to the effect of, "If you disagree, please let me know and let's find a time to discuss."
That led to estrangement with over half our family, including my mom and my brother.
Of course that saddens me, but the fact that Hannah calls us, texts us, and wanted to come home (and felt good enough about our home to bring her friend), outweighs whatever ideological grasping is being done by our other family members.
I pray that your daughter comes back to being in relationship with you, and that she'd know how much you love her.
Your story is exactly ours with the only exception of Music not Art. Our daughter was assessed by the MIND Institute in Davis and found to be gifted but did not qualify as autistic. We questioned at the point of medicalization and were cut off and then I apologized and even sent a letter from my therapist (attesting to my changed attitude) in desperation after our 20-year-old niece (also trans) died of unrelated cancer, and I have not had a response at all. Go figure. Good article.
How can so many of our stories be so identical? It makes my head spin. Our oldest daughter was labeled gifted, GSA meetings in middle school, musically talented, became entrenched in the ideology through Discord and Deviant Art during the pandemic, we did not affirm but she socially transitioned with her peers, at school and work, and now at 21 has been on hormones for a year and has had surgery. While we are not completely estranged, she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want to come see us and the relationship is severely damaged.
I’ll bet many of you reading can tick off the same awful boxes.
So painful. So similar. So wrong.
It always feels like walking a tightrope while blindfolded. You know the path is there. But it’s narrow and you can only stay on it by keeping one foot in front of the other.
My daughter was transidentified. We did not affirm. In the last year she said “I don’t think I’m trans. I’m non-binary”. She stopped wearing her/him pins. But also said “I’m going to take T when I’m 18”. Well 18 is approaching and that conversation started again.
We still have a great relationship. I’m lucky. And I hope it lasts.
I have always tried to remain curious. And always explain “as your mom, it’s my job to discuss your plans and check your thinking. No matter what it is. Even if you said you want to go to medical school. It’s my job to make sure you understand those outcomes, what’s required from you and ensure you are prepared. This is no different”
I appreciate your article. My daughter estranged me three years ago because I told her I had concerns about my 6 year old granddaughter becoming a trans boy. I did agree to use the trans name but I could not bring myself to call her a boy. People kept telling me to just go along with it so I could see my grandkids but I know that however supportive I tried to be it would never be enough.
Sasha,
Any suggestions as to where someone who wants to become a therapist should do their master's degree to avoid being trained that affirmation is only way to respond to gender dysphoria?
It’s been so long since I’ve been in school but I hear pretty bleak stories about programs these days. Are you part of Therapy First? That would be a great resource. We do professional development and lots of webinars about GD and related issues. Maybe just go to the best program you can then do a lot of independent study?
Everything I’ve learned has been mostly post grad school though I did have a solid foundation (finished my Masters in 2009)
Definitely NOT in WA state. Probably not in OR or CA either. Therapists are REQUIRED to be “affirming” in WA.
I think the recent Supreme Court decision will result in tossing out of that law of it hasn’t already.
It hasn’t yet. I think someone with standing will have to challenge it directly. WA democrats seem to have a love for defecating all over both our state and federal constitutions, and our lefty state supreme court seems fine with it.
Horrific!
The entire trans identity, gender confusion, problem/movement needs to be indicted for societal malpractice and child abuse.
I believe this is largely a first world problem with social contagion spread by the internet and the education industry. Both are terribly damaging to young minds and brains that have not formed or have any opinions or self advocacy to push back on ideas and theories that can confuse them or program them to the instructor's belief system. Our minds do not sort out objective truth especially when we are young. We don't have the tools to sort out truth and even when we are older we tend to seclude ourselves into our own bubble of information flow tailored for our minds and the truth be damned. So we are really programmed whether we like to believe it or not. FULL STOP
But people know what they are about and who they are when poverty and starvation are just outside the front door and the only thing holding it off is hard work and family support. You want to know who you are? Get a job. Support yourself. Contribute to your family as they contribute to your life and live to help the larger community.
Growing up is not navel gazing and being a narcissist trying to change names, labels, entire languages, family structures and pulling them all into the world inside your head. This is obviously narcissistic behavior with huge control needs and cutting off family is also about control. The current world is a battle of narcissists.
I would leave room for mental illnesses that might run in the family or a dysfunctional childhood including physical and especially emotional abuse but that is a "you" problem not a "we" problem. The remedy is to get you the help you need to work through these challenges. And you have to want it.
And disagreeing with parents on issues is part of growing up. It's not parent's responsibility to endorse everything you do and what you decide to do is not a reflection on them. It's on you. And you need to respect the positions they take because that is them and given the fact they may have more life experience than you, they might be right. Time will tell.
A lot of people won't agree with me and have all kinds of reasons and mental machinations why but that is part of growing up isn't it?
Thank you for addressing that a parent can affirm or not affirm a new gender identity and still be cut out of their adult child's life. That prompts many questions, which I ask in my latest article, which also quotes you. Thank you for discussing this issue and digging deeper. https://eyesopenmom.substack.com/p/the-unraveling-of-the-family
Oh goodness Snacc Beat, I'm sorry to hear you've had such bad experiences of what parenthood/motherhood should NOT be like. Not surprising that you feel so angry, it sounds like your mum badly let you down and it's really sad she isn't willing to reconnect with you. I hope your dad is more understanding and that you still have a relationship with him.
No parent is perfect, but relationships can develop again if we are willing to change and grow. It sounds like you've been far more open to this than your mother is. Good on you.
As a parent I took a long time obsessing about my child being trans (mainly around fear of them losing their fertility or getting damaged in other ways and then regretting it) but eventually had to step back and let them make their own decisions. They are more relaxed around us now and coping better in life.
As Sasha says, relationships are such a delicate dance. But that is the beauty of it, when we allow space, adjust to each other's steps and avoid treading on each other's toes. To drop the agenda on either side and enjoy each other for what we are.
I hope you are getting help and support with all this. It sounds as if you've carried so much on your own.
I affirmed socially at first, but had conversations about puberty challenges, identity development, the impact of medicalization, etc. Then my older daughter desisted, and my younger daughter came out as trans. I didn't affirm. Then they both went deeper to rebel. So, I still had the conversations, use female pronouns for my older daughter, and avoid pronouns for my younger. I wish I hadn't been manipulated into the social affirming initially. But, my daughters are 22 & 19. They didn't medicalize. Their friends did. We have a good relationship with mutual love, care, laughter, and fun. They know my concerns. They do respect my opinion based in experience, and education.
Thanks so much, Sasha.
Parents who expressed concern or skepticism over a trans identity (and are now estranged) constantly ask, what if? What if I had fully embraced this belief system?
Or, how to come around and profess that yes, they will now go along with the entire thing. Your child won't believe you. And you won't believe you.
Estrangement is an epidemic--as you well know.
Looking forward to the Family Summit in Chicago on July 31st. Wish you could also participate in this event.
data point: My son came out as trans at 21. I told him I’m “supportive” but “non-affirming.” We are not estranged and he’s just dealing with it. I have often wondered whether I made the right call to be non affirming, but reading this article helps validate my approach. I wouldn’t say we are close, but we are definitely not estranged.
Remove access to smart phones (kids can have alternatives..dumb ohones, ipods etc) and make pornography difficult to access ..and I wonder how that would change this, and other issues
“Many families, in moments of desperation or vulnerability, follow this script to a T.”
I see what you did there. >.>
It’s strange but true that something apparently so black and white doesn’t submit to formulas. Of course your always wise advice, Sasha, also works for the cutting off of loving but trans-sceptic grandparents whose middle-aged children have trans-youngsters as well as fervent sibling allies and online. FYI I co-authored this anonymised true story of enduring connection through miserable estrangement. Two levels are at work here: 1. debate about transition and 2. debate about tolerance of different beliefs (protected in public and workplace but spirited witch-hunts and cut-offs in families). Mix of discourse analysis, metaphor and history!
https://nickchild.substack.com/p/jiggling-dead-tweets
This is so disingenuous. "People said if I hit my children they'd cut me off, I didn't hit them and they cut me off anyway! I wish I'd beaten them now"
Comparing parents who want to remain truthful about their child’s biological sex to parents who beat their children is frankly so absurd, I don’t even know where to start.
At the same time, parents are often pressured and bullied into affirmation by this very type of absurd shaming tactic.
It's just two kinds of abuse.
Sasha, have you considered the possibility that affirmation doesn't prevent estrangement because people who cut contact with their parents do so not ONLY because of their parents' acceptance or denial of a trans identity? Have you considered that a parent's refusal to accept a child as they are could actually CREATE a sense of dysphoria as the child seeks any explanation as to why their parent rejects them? Have you considered that some parents are more preoccupied with coming off the right way to others than they are with supporting a misfit child, which could lead them to affirm the gender identity without making a genuine attempt to actually know their child?
I don't understand why you people in the detrans movement have attached yourselves to the sociopaths estranged children are trying so hard to get away from. I detransitioned and it makes no difference in my estranged relationship with my absolute monster of a mother. I even offered the opportunity to reconcile or at least come to understand each other but she's so self-absorbed and manipulative that all she did was find knives to twist like she always does. I've learned in the meantime that my dad was completely unaware that I had been brutally bullied in grade school because my mother never told him. She lied to everyone in our family about each other so that she could control the narrative for each of us. She's the scariest person I know. My transition was the catalyst for the estrangement and frankly despite my regrets, if transition was the only thing that could get me away from that freak, I'd do it a thousand more times.
That's why I no longer attend Beyond Trans support groups or believe that any of these orgs actually want to help detransitioners. You all want to use us. You do not care about our wellbeing if you're this credulous toward our monstrous parents when we decide we cannot be around them and survive. I wish you'd all stop speaking for detransitioners because YOU are the reason people think we're all attention-hungry bigots whose stories do not need to be heard. You are harming transitioners and detransitioners alike. GO AWAY.
I’m really sorry to hear about your experience with your mother. I hope you’ll give the article a chance because I talk about some of the unhealthy parent-child dynamics in the piece (where parents need to change their behavior). It’s also challenging when writing articles to cover every single possible dynamic. It sounds like you tried really hard to connect with your mom and explain what you need to stay connected. I’m really sorry that she couldn’t meet you there and show up in the way you needed.
Also, for what it’s worth I’m not involved in Beyond Trans and never have been
Oh god, I am so sorry about hiw your mother treated you. You deserved better.
*Desisted (autocorrect changed it to resisted)