Book a Consult with Me
Why Consult?
For the longest time, I was just playing catchup with my waiting list for parent phone consultations.
You might have been one of the 900+ parents I've spoken with since 2016.
Of these parents:
74% have girls
26% have boys
I've heard so many harrowing stories. Parents have shared their intimate struggles with me and I've tried to be as attuned and thoughtful as I could with each story and family I've encountered. Here's what I've learned...
We were figuring this out together, and now we know much more.
I used to tell parents, in the "early days" that we are all figuring this out together. Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria (not an official diagnosis) was not even a thing when I was in training to become a therapist, and there were no books or courses on how to get young people through an epidemic of identity confusion.
So I spent the last seven years listening to parents, talking to dysphoric young people in therapy, talking with detransitioners, thinking hard, and listening some more. I have shared my personal opinions and clinical intuition about what might be going on in both public and private forums.
In consults, I made suggestions and offered ideas to parents who were desperate for guidance. But they were also desperate to know that it's OK to have reservations about your child's sudden new gender identity.
In fact, it's precisely your desire to protect and nurture which makes you suspicious of "affirming." Thousands of loving, intelligent, thoughtful parents ALSO have the same concerns, yet many have been made too afraid to discuss this honestly.
What I've learned is that parents need to feel validated in their very reasonable, rational, and love-based desire to slow down the gender train.
But that's not all I learned: I've had the good fortune to stay in touch with many parents after we've spoken. Sometimes weeks, months, and even many years after a consultation, I'll get an update about what has helped, what has hurt, and what has brought families closer together. This has been such a valuable learning opportunity for me: these updates have helped me discern when my instincts were right, and when I wasn't using the right lens to look at the situation.
Now I can continue to share this wisdom with you...
My calendar does fill up pretty far in advance, but if you are a Founding Member of this Substack, you will receive a priority spot in my calendar for a 75-minute complimentary 1-1 phone consult within 60 days of sign-up. Join as a Founding Member and I’ll contact you ASAP to get your consult scheduled.
What to Expect
My 75-minute phone consultations are specifically designed for parents of gender-questioning children or young adults of either sex.Though I frequently consult with parents whose children have adolescent-onset gender issues, I also regularly speak with moms and dads of adult children who suddenly express a new gender identity or a sudden desire to transition.
Some common topics we can discuss include:
understanding your child’s identity development
improving family dynamics
managing peer and social media influence
responding to school affirmation
dealing with requests for new names/pronouns
staying connected with university-aged young adults
how to talk about gender when there is friction
dealing with an "affirming" therapist or provider
heading off to college
dorm selection
medicalization
parental distress and grief
I always tailor these calls on a case-by-case basis, and will try to prioritize any specific needs or questions that are most relevant for you and your family.
Whether we've spoken before, or this will be your first time, let's collaborate and develop a roadmap so you can take the next steps forward.