Gender Dysphoria in Males
I got married, The Parental Identity Crisis, and Yet Another WPATH Scandal
What’s on my mind…
This month’s “What’s on my mind” section became so long, that I decided to post it as a stand-alone Video Essay Post. The full video is embedded below, along with the beginning of the text, or you can read the full text here.
When it comes to Gender Dysphoria in males, we have to talk about autogynephilia.
There’s a raging debate, far down the gender rabbit hole, about what’s going on with the boys. Some of the most invested and knowledgeable people in the gender world, despite agreeing that pediatric gender medicine is dangerous, vehemently disagree about how to understand boys who question their gender identity. Some say there’s an entirely new category of ROGD boys whose motivations for transition are similar to the girls: mostly via peer influence or social contagion. And others say that the so-called ROGD boys today fit easily into the older classifications: they are either homosexual or autogynephilic. If you’re already confused, don’t worry. Today we’re going to clarify terms and I’ll help you understand the convoluted and challenging topic of male gender dysphoria, specifically the type we may be seeing in straight boys.
If you suspect this might be going on for your son, consider scheduling a parent consult so we can explore helpful frameworks and ways to communicate with your child about this.
What’s on my radar…
Another WPATH scandal
Anyone following the unethical behavior of organizations like WPATH, AAP, ACLU and others won't find this too shocking, but will find some relief in these shady dealings coming to light. If you are new to the "gender debates" this might sound strange and conspiratorial. But here we are, facing a scandal that goes all the way up to Dr. Rachel Levine in the White House and includes the active suppression of scientific evidence reviews from Johns Hopkins, simply because the data didn't look favorable for puberty blockers, hormones, and surgery for minors.
It will be difficult for newcomers to believe just how much activist pressure, politics, and ideology is infused into the practice of gender medicine. Grasping the sheer extent to which this entire business is a scandal, you will better understand why therapists, doctors, schools and the like have become transfixed, almost hypnotized, into making the most illogical and strange recommendations to families with gender dysphoric children. Really, therapists are being trained to tell families that their child's sudden identity crisis and descent into depression can ONLY be resolved if the child's new cross-sex identity is "affirmed"? What?
Much like how the real estate financial bubble built up in the early 2000s, and finally burst around 2008, I believe we are in the midst of a similar phenomenon here with the 'trans kids' scandal. Evidence of an apparent pivot in the White House on surgery for minors may indicate the lysis is coming.
Here is reporting from Lisa Selin-Davis, who fills in the gaps that the New York Times missed in their recent piece.
Read Jesse Singal’s comprehensive article in the Economist on WPATH’s attempt to suppress scientific findings.
Stella and I sat down to discuss this in a recent “Breaking News” episode of Gender: A Wider Lens. You can watch or listen to that conversation here:
What’s new in my Parent Membership Group on SubscribeStar…
Topic Video: Attachment — Your Relationship is the ONLY Leverage You Have to Help Your Child
While I typically produce one unique video every month for my Topic Tier in SubscribeStar, in the run-up to June, I was a little busy getting MARRIED (see photos above!), so I released the following video, which is also available on YouTube.
Don’t forget that you can always view short clips of Topic Videos and other educational videos on my YouTube Channel.
June Live Q+A: The Parental Identity Crisis
Last month I interviewed a mother in my group who describes herself as a “dyed-in-the-wool progressive.” She explained the conflict between her “brand” of progressivism and the gut feeling that “affirming” her daughter’s trans identity felt deeply wrong. Eventually she had to shed her dogmatic adherence to any particular party and get really clear on who she is and what she believes. Only then was she able to parent from instinct, rather than external prescriptions.
This powerful discussion highlights the isolation that often comes with parenting a gender-questioning child—if you have reservations about affirming, you might be questioned by your friends, ostracized by others in your community, and a barrier of awkwardness plants itself between even your most cherished relationships. And this calls on you to develop a stronger sense of your parental identity.
To hear this conversation, you can join the Q+A tier of my Parent Membership Group here.
In a similar vein, I discuss my personal identity here on X: Don’t Misunderstand My Position on Gender and Sexuality
If you’re the parent of a gender-questioning adolescent and you are curious about how a big change (or small incremental adjustments) might help your child, you can join either tier of my Parent Membership Group here.
What’s on my nightstand…
A Great Read from Unyielding Bicyclist
For the longest time, I’ve fantasized about connecting two disparate points of concern from two different areas of interest: performance-enhancing anabolic steroids and gender transition cross-sex hormones. Before you get the wrong idea: No, I’m not on either!
An important part of my life involves weight and strength training. In the bodybuilding world, specifically, the use of steroids is rampant, with testosterone use by female athletes being quite common, especially in the elite-level untested divisions. Needless to say, I’m highly skeptical of such practices, and luckily, some prominent bodybuilders have also been sharing their concerns and discussing the incredible pressure to “juice” in the sport, especially with the advent of social media. Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to figure out how to cross-reference the known side effects of these performance-enhancing drugs in females with the hormonal interventions in the FTM experience.
Then, true serendipity occurred when I came across a recent post from the fantastic Substack writer, Unyielding Bicyclist! In Dr. Testosterone and Mr. Steroids, she uses the Jekyll/Hyde allusion to build a comprehensive and shocking timeline which contrasts the media portrayal of steroid use and “gender transition”–as you might guess:
steroids = bad, dangerous, health risks, “roid rage”
cross sex hormones = start feeling “normal”, increased sex drive, calming effect
I highly recommend subscribing to her newsletter, Bad Facts. All her posts are fantastic, well-researched, and a pleasure to read (somehow she brings lightness and a bit of humor to an otherwise dismal topic).
What’s on our podcast…
Last month we released some truly ground-breaking episodes of Gender: A Wider Lens. From Lawsuits, to Bad Therapy, to life growing up with a trans parent, these have been some of our most popular episodes to date on our YouTube channel.
Dawn of the Detransitioner Lawsuits with Josh Payne: Josh Payne is a co-founder of Campbell Miller Payne, a law firm dedicated to representing individuals who were misled and abused–many as children–into psychological and physical harm through a false promise of “gender-affirming care.” In this conversation, we discuss legal challenges faced by detransitioners, such as informed consent laws, systemic healthcare problems, statutes of limitation, and the experimental nature of many gender treatments. The discussion emphasizes the vulnerability of clients, the lack of comprehensive care addressing underlying mental health issues, and the need for cautious medical practices. Josh also shares some huge news about the Prisha Mosely case!
Bad Therapy and Irreversible Damage with Abigail Shrier: We had a fabulous discussion with the one and only Abigail Shrier! We explore the impact of mental health culture on young people and families, how therapeutic attitudes are shaping schools and parenting practices, and the adverse effects of specific social and psychological interventions on youth. Even if you’ve watched other interviews with Abigail, I’m confident you’ll see a different side of her in this discussion.
Growing up with a Trans Parent: Emma’s father announced he “had a woman’s brain in a man’s body” when she was 12, and he began to socially and medically transition when he had sole custody of her. Emma recounts shocking stories from her childhood, discusses the importance of safeguarding children, and tells us about her role as an advocate for children of transitioners. We also dive into misinformation around “MtF chest-feeding”, using children and babies as gender-affirming props, and Emma’s hope that autogynephilia is treatable or preventable.
The Legal, Emotional and Physical Consequences of Secret Social Transition with Vernadette Broyles: In this incredibly powerful conversation, we talk to parental rights attorney, Vernadette Broyles, about some of her legal cases where parents’ rights were completely undermined and vulnerable children paid the price. Vernadette shares advice on what parents can do to protect their children, how to respond if CPS shows up at your house, the current changes to Title IX, and why she is still filled with hope.
Also, Gender: A Wider Lens hit a big milestone on YouTube last month! We hit one million views. Thank you to everyone who has watched, listened and shared this podcast, as we continue to work to get this information out to all who need it.
I am available for one-on-one parent consultations. You can learn more about what these sessions entail, plus view my availability on my Substack.
Often I am booked quite far in advance, but if you are a Founding Member of this Substack, you will get priority booking.
In the meantime…
Here’s one thing to try…
Acknowledge the positive impulse behind your child’s misdirected actions.
Many gender-questioning adolescents can’t answer “why” they believe they are trans. When asked to explain themselves, they often get defensive, resort to slogans and jargon, or just fall back on something like, “I just feel it, I can’t explain it.”
Some of this ambiguity is due to the fact that the gender identity crisis is actually not about gender at all: the adoption of a trans identity is serving some other profound need, even though the young person may not be conscious of it. To bring down the defenses, partner with your child, and inject a little contemplation into the mix, why not make a tentative observation. It can be helpful to gently, lovingly, suggest what other needs your child may be attempting to meet.
First, you’ll have to consider what those needs might be. Remove the gender smoke screen: if it’s not actually about clothes, hair, and gender, what else might be going on?
You can journal about it, think out loud while going for a walk (I do this a lot), or discuss it with your spouse, partner or trusted friend.
Once you have a few hypotheses, you can gently offer up your observations about the problem your child is trying to solve.
To lower defenses and reinforce the differential between the parent and child’s role, you might start by normalizing the ways you’re each approaching this.
Try something like:
I know we haven’t seen eye to eye with much of your gender identity exploration.
That’s ok, because we love each other very much, and it’s ok if we see things differently. As your parent, I have my own perspective and my own concerns. And of course, you have your own concerns and perspective too.
However, I love you no matter what. And because I love you so much, its my job to keep you safe and think about your long term wellbeing, not just what you want in the moment.
As I think more about your identity I know you must feel strongly that it’s going to help you in some way.
From my perspective, it seems like you may be trying to
feel more comfortable with your body
understand things about yourself that don’t always make sense
stay connected with your friend group
carve out a unique identity for yourself
show me that you’re really hurting
make sure people take you seriously
feel like you’re making independent decisions for yourself
steer clear of scary things about growing up into a man/woman
Don’t expect a miracle lightbulb moment here. You’ll most likely be met with skepticism, a blank stare, or maybe a shrug of the shoulders. The idea is to offer a different way to look at things and plant a little seed.
If your child wants to keep talking, or share a different perspective, try to listen and empathize without lying or being pushed into new demands. If you can, end the discussion on a positive note, a hug, or even a change of topic to facilitate some easy, low-pressure bonding. Now, just move on and let the conversation “marinate.”
Comment below: What other needs do you think your kids are trying to meet through this identity?
I think some of the “sweet, autistic boys” are actually running from their sexuality (rather than expressing it.) Az Hakeem talks about some of the men he has worked with who are basically asexual but they can still orgasm in a sort of functional way. Imagine being socially awkward, and much more attracted to things than people, yet being physically saddled with the raging hormones of a teenage boy. On top of that, hearing or seeing that “boys your age” should be girl crazy. In a black and white thought process you’d then think “I’m not a boy because I’m not interested in girls—I’m more interested in computers.” That all seems a perfect recipe for thinking your trans in today’s climate.
Big congrats on your marriage!
Regarding the adopting of a trans identity — in my daughter’s case, I think she wants to opt out of being a heterosexual female to avoid the hurt of being rejected by the opposite sex; to feel like she’s broken free of social expectations; and to feel like she’s the wise one for a change, the one on the cutting edge who’s figured things out that her parents/elders don’t understand. It’s a way to finally be cool on some level and have friends. It connects her with people she can identify with. It’s a reframing of herself and her life in a way that avoids addressing painful deficits and difficult change.